Experiencing Healing From Sexual Abuse

Experiencing Healing From Sexual Abuse

Remember, we have been looking at the acronym, BLAST.

Bored, Lonely, Angry, Afraid, Sad, Stressed, Shame, Tired.
Like I said in the last blog, we are adding a couple more to the "A" of BLAST.  They are ADHD and Abuse.
Last blog we looked at ADHD. This blog we will look at Abuse.
Abuse -

Any type of abuse can be experienced as trauma, and any trauma can leave you vulnerable to lots of addictions and struggles, pornography/sexual sin being one of them.

In this blog post we are not going to focus on all types of abuse, but we are going to zero in on sexual abuse specifically.

I have had the opportunity to pour into many men one on one over the last decade. Please note pornography and the sexual sin struggle is not just a male problem. For help on the female side, please refer to authenticintimacy.com.


One of the things I have learned as I have helped men is that sexual abuse can leave you vulnerable to things like pornography addiction and sexual sin struggle. I have never experienced sexual abuse myself, but I have helped many men who have this as part of their past.

If you have experienced sexual abuse in your past, let me start off by just saying, “I am so sorry”. I don’t mean I feel sorry for you. I just mean that my heart hurts that you would have experienced this type of pain and trauma.

Please remember, not all sexual abuse is created equally. But in general for the one who has experienced sexual abuse, there are a few things I feel like they need right off the bat:

1. Trauma Therapy
2. NO SHAME
3. SAFE PLACE
4. God’s Comfort
   

Let me briefly talk about trauma therapy and how it helps. I would highly recommend, if you have been a victim of sexual abuse or if you are helping one who has been abused, to seek out a Christian Counselor who is equipped in the area of trauma therapy. I personally am a big fan of EMDR. If you aren’t familiar with EMDR, I would encourage you to google it to learn more about how it works. I don’t always recommend google, but it does work for something like this.

Trauma therapy is necessary for the victim, and it is even more necessary if this person finds themselves in a sexual addiction cycle, like pornography, etc. Why? Let me try to do my best to explain what leaves one who has experienced this type of abuse vulnerable to things like pornography, etc.


In the brain, what is wired together fires together. When one experiences sexual abuse, especially at a young age, it overly sexualizes them. And it even bonds them with the one who harmed them. When a person experiences this type of bonding and is overly sexualized young, then often times they feel they can only feel love and connection sexually. Therefore, they are often seeking out any kind of sexual connection or experience, even something like false intimacy with pornography.

Sometimes the experience is so traumatic, they now view themselves and everything about themselves as ugly and dirty so they think they could never be attractive to one sexually. This ugly and dirty feeling can lead to things like self-harm. If not self-harm, it can lead to battles with anxiety or depression.


In this blog I don’t have time to explore all the possibilities of where sexual abuse can lead a person, but as you can see what I have written above, the abuse takes a significant toll on the victim. This is where trauma therapy from a Christian counselor is so important. If they are trained in something like EMDR, then they can help the victim experience healing in their heart and in their BRAIN (key component). Yes, God can even heal a wound like sexual abuse!!!!!

Let me give one example of that as I talk about "no shame". This is a key component. Let me start off by saying that the sexual abuse victim is probably unaware the role that shame is playing in their view of God, self, and sexuality. Unfortunately, when one is abused there is a great deal of shame that comes with it (whether the victim is aware of this or not). To know that you don’t have to be defined by being abused or the shame that might come with it is HUGE. Please know that God meets all of us in our deepest pain, and He can bring healing.

What if the victim of sexual abuse knew that God didn’t wanted to be them in their pain, as well as the potential shame that comes with that pain? What if they knew that God wanted to bring healing? For the guys I have helped these truths have been a game changer.

Now let's look at safe place. For the victim of sexual abuse, things like pornography can create a false sense of safety for them as they experience sex and sexuality. However, pursuit of things like pornography can create a false narrative, a false sense of control, false sense of safety, and a false sense of intimacy. In addition, this even distorts their view of intimacy.

And intimacy is so much more than sex. Jesus' desire to connect with us has nothing to do with sex. He longs for deep, relational, intimate connection. Revelation 3:20 shows us that Jesus desires to have deep intimacy with us. When one experiences that intimacy with Him, Jesus becomes the safe place that is needed!

The victim needs to experience healing through trauma therapy. They need to recognize that there is shame that comes from their pain from abuse, and God longs to meet them in all of it. They desperately need to experience deep intimacy with Jesus. Let's be honest. All of us need this!!!

Finally, one who has experienced sexual abuse needs to experience lots of comfort from God and others. You can check out a podcast I did on this if you want more details on it here: God’s comfort podcast.
But let me try to share a little about comfort here. What does comfort look like? It looks like God or others simply being with us in our pain. It looks like a hug or being held. It looks like someone weeping with them as they weep. It’s when I can’t pray, I know others are praying for me. A victim of sexual abuse needs to be loved on and cared for in their deep pain.

There are a few places in the New Testament in the Bible where we see this talked about:

Matthew 5:4 (“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted”). No matter how painful feeling the pain is, in order to experience the comfort we must feel that pain and mourn and weep. But we don’t do this alone. God will mourn with us, and hopefully, you have others in your life who can do the same.

John 11:35 (“Jesus wept.”) When Mary, one of Jesus’ close friends, had lost her brother, Jesus wept with her in the midst of her pain. Will you let Jesus and others weep
with you?

Romans 12:15b (“Weep with those who weep.”) Here is another verse in the New Testament on just weeping with. Will you have the courage to face that INTENSE pain (that is not your fault as the victim) and let God and others weep with you in that deep pain?

Romans 8:26 (“We do not know what to pray, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us through wordless groans.”) If I am a follower of Jesus, then the Holy Spirit lives inside me. Maybe you’re reading this and realize you don’t know Jesus. This would be a great time to come to the end of yourself and tell Jesus you can’t do life on your own. Tell Him you believe he died and rose again for the forgiveness of your sins. Tell Jesus what you have done wrong in your life and ask for His forgiveness. Ultimately, receive Jesus into your life by surrendering control of your life to Him. When that happens, you have life on earth with God and life forever with Him in heaven when you die. For those who follow Jesus, the Holy Spirit lives inside of them and helps them live how God intended. One of the ways He helps is to comfort. One of the ways He comforts is when we can’t pray, He prays INTENSELY for us. Let Him do that for YOU!!!!


If you are reading this, and you are a victim, would you consider pursuing trauma therapy? Would you let God meet you in your pain and shame. Would you allow Jesus to be that safe place? Would you let God and others come along side and comfort you?


If you are willing to do this, God can help you redefine how you look at sex. If you find yourself in a struggle with porn, etc., processing the pain from your abuse can start you on a road to freedom, maybe you never even knew was possible!!!!!


May God clearly guide you on this journey!