Sex: Experiencing Pleasure and Producing a Godly Heritage
Sex: Experiencing Pleasure and Producing a Godly Heritage
In the last couple of blogs we looked at multiple purposes for sex, “worship”, “intimacy”, “faithfulness”, “being selfless”. In this blog, we will focus on “pleasure” and “Godly heritage”.
Sex is for pleasure -
This may seem a bit embarrassing for some, but we are not going to be ashamed to write about what God chose to put in Scripture. We are going to just look at several verses from Song of Solomon.
Song of Solomon 4:9-11a says, "You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices! Your lips, my bride, drip honey; Honey and milk are under your tongue."
If her love is better than wine, than I bet her love feels good to him. If her lips drip like honey and honey and milk, are under her tongue, I am thinking those kisses taste good to him. This is pleasing to him. It brings him pleasure.
Song of Solomon 4:16 says, "Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!"
She wants him to come to her and pleasure her. When he comes to her, she wants it to bring him pleasure as well.
Song of Solomon 7:6-9 says, "How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I said, 'I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks.' Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine!"
If she is delightful to him, then she is pleasing to him. He wants to enjoy her breasts, and he wants to kiss her and enjoy her mouth. This feels good to him. This feels good to her. It feels good to both. What does it bring them? Pleasure!!! God saw fit to put this in His Holy Word. Why? I believe he wanted us to know that doing sex his way is a beautiful thing.
God wants husband and wife to be intimate with one another. He wants them to be faithful to only each other. He wants them to care for each other selflessly in all aspects of marriage, including how they care for each other physically. When the husband and wife do marriage like this and sex like this, then it brings them great pleasure!!! Don't misunderstand me. If you participate in sex outside of marriage, it feels good. Why? It feels good because sex feels good, but there is a different pleasure that is experienced when sex occurs between man and wife in the context of marriage. There is no shame like one experiences from sin when they sin sexually. I know this from firsthand experience. The beauty of doing sex God's way is I get all the pleasure that sex was intended for without any of the shame.
Why is this such a big deal to me? I deal with men every day who are sacrificing their lives for a moment of sexual pleasure. All of them would tell you that the shame they feel later is off the charts, but that desire for pleasure controls them in that moment (no matter how intense the shame will be later). For the married couple, God wants to provide them a lifetime of sexual pleasure with each other, but we too often settle for something else.
We have an entire generation growing up totally confused about sex because of how perverse our culture has become. Is it awkward to engage our children in these conversations? YES!!!
But I must fight through the awkwardness, and you must do the same thing. The culture does not feel awkward having porn occupy 1/2 the internet. The culture does not feel awkward having sexual advertisements all over billboards, TV, social media, and the internet, etc. The culture does not feel awkward about having sex scenes in movies that middle schoolers and younger will attend. We must fight through the awkwardness and teach the younger generation God's purpose for sex. One of God's purposes for sex is pleasure!!! He created it for us to enjoy in the context of Biblical marriage.
If you are single, trust God's timing for marriage if He desires you to be married or accept his call to be single. In no way am I saying this is easy. One must deeply and desperately depend on Jesus here!!! If you have children, teach them these truths. May we fight through the awkwardness to teach our children's God's purpose for sex. If you are married, go enjoy the gift that God has for you and your spouse.
Sex produces a Godly heritage -
Sex is also meant to produce a Godly heritage. In Genesis 1, God commands us to “Be fruitful and multiply”. There are some Christian married couples who are unable to have biological children. We have had friends walk through this, and we have watched them experience all kinds of pain through that experience. We have also watched those friends pursue adoption, and God is allowing them to produce a Godly heritage through adoption.
There are other Christian married couples who simply choose to not have children. It would seem this is selfish and disobedient to God. God commands us to be fruitful and multiply.
There are Christian married couples in America who do have biological children, but it would seem many couples stop having biological children too soon. I am not saying that God wants everyone to have a really big family. God must give each one that vision for his/her family. But hear me on this: Muslims in America reproduce about 7 children per household. American Christians reproduce about 2 children per household. We need to seek the Lord through prayer and fasting to see how many children the Lord may want us to try to have to attempt to produce a Godly heritage.
Like we looked at, sex is for pleasure. No doubt! Just remember this, while married couples are enjoying their sexual relationship, producing a Godly heritage must be a priority along the way. What does it look like to produce a Godly heritage? As a follower of Jesus, I have no control over whether my children will follow Christ or not. However, there are some things I can do to intentionally pursue their heart.
There are 3 things my wife and I try to do now to really pursue the hearts of our kids. When we pursue the hearts of our children, we are laying the foundation of what could be a Godly heritage. God is responsible for bringing any spiritual growth, but we are responsible for pursuing their hearts.
What are the 3 things we do in our home with our children?
Please note we looked at these principals in the blog on “ADHD and Porn”.
Relationally Connect –
In 1 Thessalonians 2:8 Paul tells us that the people had become so dear to him that he shared the truth of the Gospel and his very life. We must share the truth of the Gospel with our kids, but we must also give them our lives. We must SPEND TIME with our children in order to relationally connect with them.
We don’t just want to give them our lives. Like Paul, we want to give them the truth of the Gospel. Christ’s death and resurrection saves me from hell and empowers me to live a life to the glory of God. We desperately want to impart the truth of this Gospel to our children.
Spiritually Invest –
Spiritual investment is more than just sharing the truth of the Gospel with our children. We must live out the Gospel in front of them. Deuteronomy 6 tells us that we are to love God with everything that we have, and we are to model this for our children. Producing a Godly heritage requires spiritual investment. I cannot spiritually invest in my children if I am not loving God with my whole heart. This covers everything from devotional life, career, entertainment choices, Kingdom of God investment, etc.
Spiritual investment also includes instruction. Deuteronomy 6 also speaks of talking to your children about loving God wholeheartedly. We try to do this in many different ways in our home (reading Bible stories to our younger children, having God/Bible discussions with our older children, praying for our children, etc.).
Appropriately Protect –
In Nehemiah 4, the children of Israel are trying to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. They face opposition, so their leader, Nehemiah, has them carry a sword in one hand and a tool in the other. I think the tools of parenting are relational connection and spiritual investment. I think the sword for parenting would be us appropriately protecting them.
As a general rule we try to protect from that which is evil. We don’t try to protect our kids from pain. Pain is one of the greatest agents God uses to conform us into His image. Don’t protect from pain. Protect from evil!!!!
Like I have said, connecting and investing in our children does not guarantee that we will produce a Godly heritage, but it does put their heart in the best place to hear from the Lord. Let them hear from the Lord and let Him draw our kids to Himself. May we enjoy sex in the context of Biblical marriage! May we experience all kinds of pleasure doing sex this way! But may we remember to use sex to help produce a Godly heritage for His Kingdom.