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Sex – Faithfulness and Being Selfless

Sex – Faithfulness and Being Selfless
Sex – Faithfulness and Being Selfless

In the last blog, we looked at how sex is about “worship” and “intimacy”. For today let’s focus on “faithfulness” and being selfless”.
Sex demonstrates faithfulness -
God is Faithful. This is who He is. Even when we are faithless to Him, He is faithful to us. 2 Timothy 2 talks about this.

One of the ways He demonstrates that faithfulness is through the cross of Christ. Romans 5:8 tells us that Christ died for us when we were sinners. He didn't die for us when we were faithful. He died for us when we were the exact opposite.

Let me tell you some other ways God has been faithful when others are faithless. The Bible is broken up into 2 parts, the Old Testament and the New Testament. The Old Testament tells us quite a bit about God's chosen nation, Israel.

One example of God’s faithfulness can be found in the book of Judges. The children of Israel would obey, and God was faithful. The children of Israel would disobey by being unfaithful (bowing down to other gods), and God would discipline them. As they are experiencing discipline, they would cry out to Him for freedom from the discipline they were experiencing. He could have chosen not to be faithful. They didn't deserve for Him to be faithful. What did He do? He demonstrated His faithfulness to them by rescuing them.

He has done this in my life. As I have said, for years I struggled with porn. He didn't give up on me. He didn't abandon me. He stuck with me. He pursued me. He was faithful to me when I was faithless.

My wife has demonstrated this as well. I was unfaithful to her as I looked at porn, but she remained faithful. She didn't give up on me. She didn't abandon me. She stuck with me. She pursued me.

Faithfulness is supposed to be demonstrated through sex. I can't be faithful to God's plan of sex if I have multiple sex partners along the way. I don't just mean partners where intercourse took place. I mean partners where anything sexual takes place. I can't be faithful to God's plan of sex if I am involved in porn or involved in sexting. I can't do these things prior to marriage, and I can't do them while married.

Remember, I just mentioned my own porn struggle from my past. I am not throwing rocks here. God does forgive. I have experienced this!
It's not about throwing rocks. It's about saying that we want to commit to being faithful in the context of sex and marriage. Genesis 2 talks about leaving parents and cleaving to your spouse. I want to connect with my wife, be one with my wife, and be faithful to my wife.

Let's get very practical here.

What does this mean if I am single?

If I am a single person, I can let God empower me so I can walk away from sexual temptation. I can choose to be faithful to God and abstain from any kind of sex. I can choose to be faithful to my future mate. If God does not provide me a future mate, then being faithful to God will be enough. How? He will demonstrate that faithfulness to the one who is single. I know this because I have many I am connected with who are single, and they have spoken to me of God's faithfulness in the midst of their singleness. This can be done! And it’s a beautiful thing!

What does this mean if I am married?

When I choose to run away from sexual temptation, I am demonstrating faithfulness to my spouse. When I choose not to put myself in situations where I will be tempted, I am demonstrating faithfulness to my spouse. When I only participate in sex in the context of marriage with my spouse, then I am demonstrating faithfulness to my spouse. When I am demonstrating this faithfulness to my spouse, I am ultimately reflecting the faithfulness that God shows to me in all aspects of my life.
He is faithful. I want to be faithful to Him. I want to be faithful to my wife. When I demonstrate faithfulness to my wife and ultimately, to God, then I am worshiping Him!
May God empower us to demonstrate faithfulness when it comes to sex, as well as every other aspect of our life.

Sex is intended to be a selfless act -

I want to warn you in advance. This one is going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but I really feel like these things need to be shared. Try to hang with me.

At our core, we are selfish people. Too many times, we make life about us. The same can be true about sex.

Before we talk about sex, let's just talk about selflessness for a little bit. Paul tells us in Philippians 2 that we are to have the same attitude as Jesus Christ. Jesus is God, and He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. He left heaven and took on the form of a servant by coming to earth. He suffered and bled and died so we could be forgiven, have right relationship with Him, and live for His Glory.
If leaving heaven to come to earth to die is not selfless, then I don't know what it means to be selfless. We are to have this same attitude. Mark 8 and Luke 9 talk about how as followers of Jesus we are to die to ourselves, our rights, and our selfish desires.
When I do this, I am worshiping God. Let's now apply this to sex. If I am having sex this way, then sex has to be selfless.
This means several things. It is selfish of me to want my sexual desires met outside of God's plan for marriage. Therefore, if I choose to have sex or participate in any sexual activity before marriage, I am being selfish. I am saying I want whatever I want. I am not willing to die to myself.
What about for those who are married as husband and wife? Sex can be selfish in that context as well. What if I just want to use my spouse sexually so I can feel a certain way emotionally or physically. That's not about me selflessly loving my spouse. It becomes about me, and that is selfish!
I would prefer to not write about this, but I can't do this with integrity if I don't write about it. The question must be raised- What about masturbation? I know that we never talk about this in a church context, but we need to be talking about it.
I want to say not everyone agrees with me, but I want you to know that the position I am about to explain comes from a great deal of Bible Study and prayer, as well as seeking counsel from others.

Here goes:

I want to address masturbation from the selfishness issue, but I want to start off by talking about lusting. I don't know anyone who is able to masturbate without having lustful thoughts while this is going on. The Bible has much to say about lust, but let me just give you a few thoughts.
In the Old Testament in Genesis, there is a story where a married woman makes sexual advances at Joseph. It would have been very easy for Joseph to give into lust in those moments, but he resisted this temptation. In fact, the sexual advances of this woman became so intense that Joseph literally ran away from her. The Bible teaches us to flee, to run the opposite direction of our lust.
1 John 2 talks about how the lust of the flesh is of the world, not of God. If I want to live a life of worship to God, I must put to death the things of the world (like lust), so my heart is free to bow down to only Him!
Therefore, when I participate in masturbation, I am giving myself opportunity to lust, and this means I am giving myself the chance to bow down to something that is not God. This is one reasons that masturbation is to be avoided.
However, masturbation is not just lustful. It is selfish. It is really just trying to have sex with oneself. Sex was designed to occur between two people. When I masturbate, I am not doing sex as God intended it, and the entire focus is on myself.
We are to have the same attitude of Jesus. Jesus selflessly went to the cross. I want to emulate His life of selflessness in everything, including sex.
How can we be selfless sexually?
If I am single, I let the Holy Spirit empower me to die to myself so I can stay connected to Jesus, bow down to only Him, and trust Him with His plan for sex.
If I am married, there will be times where I need to abstain from sexual activities with my spouse because that is the most selfless thing to do for my spouse. Obviously, there will be times when sex will happen. I know this is super awkward, but hang with me. During sex, ask the Lord, "What does my partner need?". Throughout foreplay and intercourse, let the Holy Spirit empower you to selflessly love your spouse. When I am married and do sex this way, it is worship.
Selfless sex pleases my spouse, it feels good, and it is worship to God.
When we reflect on the selflessness of Jesus, our hearts our filled with gratitude. When our hearts our filled with gratitude towards God, we our moved to worship Him.
May we be selfless when it comes to sex, but more importantly, may we be selfless in how we live our lives.